Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
