I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
