FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
