I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
