No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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