I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
bring money and cleavage
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
