I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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