her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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