it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
