One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
