When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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