My room smells like vodka and shame
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
