you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
