if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
