he shaved USA in his pubs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
