Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
