I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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