Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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