i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
