I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize