Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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