About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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