there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
