What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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