Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
