I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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