I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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