was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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