He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize