he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your penis caused this!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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