are you so shy because you have an std?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
