There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
