They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
