i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
