So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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