i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am one with the molecules
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
