My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
