So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
