He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
