You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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