Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize