idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
