It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
