It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
