Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
