Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize