I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
