You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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