did you get engaged???
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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