I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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