She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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