They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
