Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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