and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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