I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
