I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
