Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
