I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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