this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
