i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
