Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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