My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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