I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
