the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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