im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
