I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
