I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
