oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
