Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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