Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
