He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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