I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize