They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
