nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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