On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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