This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
